When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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