ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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