just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
