i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
