I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
