I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
