My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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