so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
