i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize