Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
