I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
