Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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