You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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