Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
