I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize