i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
