WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
