I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
