i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize