Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
