She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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