"it" just moved
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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