Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
