Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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