Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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