i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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