I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
