I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
