Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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