We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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