Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
