tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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