it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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