Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
