i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
