we're blogging at a bar
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
