I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
