Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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