And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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