so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
