i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
