I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize