I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
