Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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