At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
