Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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