Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
