I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize