Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
