oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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