I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
