You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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