he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
