nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
