So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
