Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
