We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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