K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
