now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
accomplished twins. life is a go
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
