Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
