If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
