Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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