i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
