Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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