just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
