i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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