At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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