Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
