ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
