I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
