How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
