It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
