hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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