I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I need a beard to bite.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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