Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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