Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
