We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
