How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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