that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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