where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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