i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
