you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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