I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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