All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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