My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
