you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
