If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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