he thought i was a dude.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
