fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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