We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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