Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
we should paint friendship bongs
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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