she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
