OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
