but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
