so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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