It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
