dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
