I molested 6 butterflies tonight
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
