your parents love me but you hate me
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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