I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
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