all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
