Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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