Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
