The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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