'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
