My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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