someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My ATM looks so different sober.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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