Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So much rum. So many feels.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize